Saturday, October 31, 2009

On My Own, But Not Alone

A couple of weeks ago I had one of the most uplifting firsthand experiences that I have ever had. Like Elder Holland's talk, "The Ministry of Angels", someone performed a Christlike deed that I will never forget. I will always think of this guy as, not only my brother, but an angel to me.

One Monday morning in my folk dance class my friend was holding my hand after we had done a dance and one of the other girls told us we could let go because we won’t be doing the dance for a bit so she let go and said, “Maybe I wanted to hold Ashley’s hand.” Then I sarcastically replied, “Yeah! And you’re the only one!” Everyone laughed, but little did they know I wasn’t being sarcastic. I had been struggling that week with stress and what not, I felt so alone and like no one cared or even noticed me. I felt like all my hard work of trying to be good as a dancer and as a person wasn’t paying off. It was kind of selfish of me, really.

Then came my modern class to prove me wrong. I was in the back corner practicing some combinations and trying to keep my emotions together. Bless her heart, Emily knew I was struggling with some stress and came over and gave me a hug to cheer me up but that actually made it all come out! I was slightly embarrassed as class started hardly 30 seconds after that. She helped me up, with my face in my hands and I walked over to the side of the room as Pat (the teacher) explained that we're just going to warm up with walks across the floor. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. I tried to pretend that no one was there and I tried SOOO hard to pull myself back together. When suddenly I felt a strong yet gentle hand slip into mine and a slight whisper, "It's ok." With bloodshot eyes, I looked up and saw Cody. He didn't even look at me at first. He just simply helped me over to the line and danced with me, hand in hand, across the floor, squeezing my hand to let me know that he was there for me and not going to leave me. Then after a few minutes he looked at me and said, "Now I want you to beat me over there, travel so far across the floor that you beat me!" and he slowly released his hand from mine but I could still feel him there beside me, dancing along with me. I may have been on my own, but I wasn't alone.

(Later Cody came over to talk to me and give me some words of comfort. He explained how he was having a not so good day, either and told me some of the things he's been going through, which I feel are far more than the little things I deal with. He told me about Kolob time and how he thinks about that whenever he's feeling down... a lot like what Elder L. Whitney Clayton said in Saturday morning's General Conference a few weeks ago that in heaven's perspective our burdens last but a small moment.)

From this experience I learned that somebody does want to hold my hand. Somebody does notice me. And that somebody is not only Cody but Jesus Christ, our Savior. When we are struggling and feel like we have many burdens to carry, Jesus Christ is there. If we have our hand ready he will guide us through the hardest trials and tribulations for he has suffered many more than us. Then when he feels he has lead us a good deal of the way he may slowly release his hand from ours, but he won't leave us, he will never leave us! He will always be right there dancing beside us, ready to catch us if we fall. He may let us off on our own, but he won't leave us alone.

I know Heavenly Father knew I was struggling a few Monday's ago. Cody was an instrument in God's hands, sent that day, as an earthly angel, to take my hand, comfort and guide me to a state of peace. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and all the blessings that I have received in my life from it. I have the greatest friends and I know I take them for granted more often than I should. I love them all!!! :D

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